The history of KDNE goes back roughly 2300 years to the Greek mathematician Aristophihercuhades, who theorized that radio waves broadcast at a frequency of 91.9 megahertz and with a power of 1.21 gigawatts (sometimes referred to as 'jigawatts') will ultimately produce enough rock to, in essence, 'rock your face off.' This theory was published by a friend with the title Κ Δ Ν Ε (which translates into "Face Rock"). This theory was initially laughed at by other, more popular mathematicians such as Euclid, Pythagoras, Archimedes, and David Hasselhoff, which caused Aristophihercuhades to cast himself into exile, and he died a lonely, rock-free death.
His works were later discovered in the 13th century by Catholic philosopher St. Thomas Aquinas, who brought the writings to Pope Urban IV in October of 1264. Unfortunately the pope died October 2nd after choking on a Twinkie, and the theory went back into obscurity with the pope's personal library until it was raided by Mongolian raiders in the little-known Wettin papacy. Polish ruler Stanislaw Leszczynski invaded the Vatican in 1704 with an army of fourteen men while suffering from delusions induced by lead from his dinnerware seeping into his drink. He declared himself Pope Wladyslaw I (a reference to the 14th century Polish king Wladyslaw I the Elbow-high) and ruled while Pope Clement XI was on a visit to England. When the pope returned 4 days later and discovered Leszczynski, he cast him out and all that appeared to be his, including Aristophihercuhades' theory. On his journey back to Poland, he read the theory and decided that it was an undertaking worth the Polish crown, and mandated that Poland's best scientists begin work on a machine to produce and control radio waves.
The Poles made little progress and upon Leszczynski's death in 1766 the program was dissolved. In 1873 James Clerk Maxwell published a paper "A dynamical theory of the electromagnetic field," which described the electromagnetic waves that Aristophihercuhades had theorized over 2000 years prior. By 1897 the technology had progressed enough that Guglielmo Marconi established the first radio station in England, which he named originally named "91.9 - The Kid's Knee," which he later attributed to a case of bad Indian food.
When radio first escaped from the womb in 1920, scientists across the globe were eager to take this new-found technology with them into their own fields. However, there was one man who stood in their way - Dr. Fickes Ross Nissen, who claimed to be a direct descendant of Aristophihercuhades and thus the rightful claimant to radio's international patent. The world held its breath as the case progressed, until finally the U.S. Supreme Court decided that since radio waves were an anomaly of science they could not be copyrighted, and attempts to capture these magic waves (including nets, steel traps, and eventually radios) were in the interest of science and thus over-valued his copyright claim.
In 1948 the new president of Doane College, David L. Crawford, heard a report from mathematics professor Dr. Gus Beans about Aristophihercuhades and his various theories, including his prophecy about UPN, his theorem on the density of spam, a very lengthy theory/prophecy relating himself to Kevin Bacon, and, of course, his "Face Rock" theory. The idea of rocking one's face off appealed to Crawford, as he had been swept up in the latest craze of hip musicians, including Billie Holiday, Dizzie Gillespie, and even one of the most controversial artists of the day, Frank Sinatra (it wasn't until after his installation as president that the Board of Directors of the college discovered this dark part of Crawford's personal life). He requested that the math and science departments team up to put Aristophihercuhades' theory into life, building off of the progress made by the Polish government in their 42-year study (which, to summarize in one sentence, states that "radio waves haven't been discovered yet") and the advances in technology of the day, including television, erector sets, and the yo-yo.
The team built by the college included two IEEE Fellows, a Rhodes Scholar, a Fulbright Scholar, nine PhDs, and a trained swan. By 1955 they had finished their research and presented their findings to the students and faculty on Tuesday, October 4th. Unfortunately for them, this coincided with game 7 of the World Series in which the Brooklyn Dodgers defeated the New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium. As such, only eight people showed up to hear the presentation and were outnumbered by their presenters by nearly a 2-1 ratio. Their conclusions were as follows:
- That trained swans were not as effective at mathematics as previously thought.
- That Rock and Roll posed a serious threat to our nation and its musical integrity.
- That Doane's position on top of a hill would allow for a radio station housed on campus to spill out across the prairie, potentially being funded by the federal government to help spread anti-communist propaganda.
- That in spite of the high cost of installing and maintaining a station, nearly equivalent to the amount spent by the college on a new "computer," the college should look to invest in a radio station and hope to, with continued funding and research, one day reach Aristophihercuhades' ultimate goal.
- And that 1.21 gigawatts of a 91.9 megahertz radio wave (broadcasting the strongest and most vile Rock and Roll, such as Bill Haley and the Comets) would indeed be sufficient to cause enough damage to the face structure that it would be irreparable.
Unfortunately the administration did not agree with their recommendation. President Donald M. Typer, who had taken over for Crawford in 1954 after his musical preferences finally got the best of him, did not believe that radio's popularity would last. "Along with television, the two-piece swimsuit and the convertible" he said, "radio will die out when our country regains its morality after these troubled times." The professors involved in the research were shocked and left for various other academic institutions.
Radio regained interest over time, and as Doane started its own television station on campus, KPAW was broadcast as its soundtrack. Unfortunately, once the administration had been convinced of the necessity for a radio station (and the internet, though its usefulness has been debated since) in 1993, the official call letters KPAW had been assigned to 107.9 of Fort Collins, Colorado. A highly-trained group of communications students from Doane set out on a reconnaissance mission to Fort Collins, initially intending to blow up the station to claim its letters, but were sidetracked when they discovered the Carl's Jr. restaurant chain. These students are considered the first casualties of the communications department of Doane. The college settled for KDNE (KDoaNE) and began broadcasting in 1994.
Soon the station was known as The Kidney. 1995 brought Dr. Lee Thomas, emotionally devastated after selling his idea for an "international net" to Al Gore, to KDNE. In 2003, after a night of The History Channel and bad Indian food, the station's management staff decided to reformat, becoming 91.9 Core FM - "The Core of college rock." Again in 2006 Indian food took its toll, and 91.9 was reborn as The New Kidney - "Excreting good music."
If you would like to have a show for the spring semester, contact the station manager.